For a Happy Marriage… (Ephesians 5:22-25, 28)

For a Happy Marriage… (Ephesians 5:22-25, 28)

 

22 아내들이여 자기 남편에게 복종하기를 주께 하듯 하라

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.

 

23 이는 남편이 아내의 머리 됨이 그리스도께서 교회의 머리 됨과 같음이니 그가 바로 몸의 구주시니라

23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

 

24 그러므로 교회가 그리스도에게 하듯 아내들도 범사에 자기 남편에게 복종할지니라

24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

 

25 남편들아 아내 사랑하기를 그리스도께서 교회를 사랑하시고 그 교회를 위하여 자신을 주심 같이 하라

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

 

28 이와 같이 남편들도 자기 아내 사랑하기를 자기 자신과 같이 할지니 자기 아내를 사랑하는 자는 자기를 사랑하는 것이라

28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

 

Today we will take a look at what it takes for a husband and wife to build a happy marriage.

 

A) What does it mean to be a “married couple”?

 

1. There are many different illustrations that define what it means to be a married couple.

 

A husband and wife are not two separate pieces, but two parts that have come together to form one entity. A husband and wife in marriage are like two water droplets that merge to form one drop. A husband and wife are like a pair of scissors: Both sides must work in coordination to function properly. A husband and wife embraces and accepts all mistakes like a lake with no end.

 

A married couple is like a perennial antique; the older their love grows, the stronger and more valuable it becomes. A wife’s patience gives the husband life, and the husband’s patience gives the wife honor. Marriage is like an incredibly long conversation. There is no period of practice, apprenticeship, probation, or a break in a marriage.

 

2. They say that to make a marriage last, you need five bears: A bear for bear (“for bear” being a play on the word “four bear” thus “a bear” = 1 bear + “for bear” = 4 bears totaling “five bears”.) The word “bear” also refers to the definition “to endure” in addition to the animal. In other words, there is a lot one must bear through a marriage. In simpler terms, marriage requires patience, patience, and more patience.

 

3. This generation is one of fatigue and exhaustion. In a marriage, the husband and wife need to be a safe haven, refuge, and a source of peace for one another. It is difficult to maintain one’s individuality or personality in today’s society. When our very being is oppressed and denied, we become unhappy. In a marriage, you need to recognize and accept the other’s personality for who they are since no one else in society will.

 

4. The Bible tells us that God removed a rib from Adam to create Eve. There is an explanation that tells us why God chose the rib as opposed to any other body part.

 

If God used a leg bone, then the woman created would have tendencies to trample things. If He used an arm bone, she would point fingers. If He used part of the head, she would try to teach and train Adam. If He used part of the chin or jaw, where would have been constant conversation and subsequently, arguments. If He used the shoulders or the neck, she would be arrogant. All of these parts would have brought misfortune upon the couple.

 

But the rib lies protected beneath the arm and is close to the heart. The rib symbolizes safety and love. Individual ribs sit side by side to create the rib cage, symbolizing how a husband and wife will live one life together, side by side.

 

5. Marriage is the unification of love; children are the fruits of love; family is the center of love; and fights in a marriage is the training of love. In other words, arguments and disagreements should not be cause for divorce; aside from adultery, divorce should never be an option.

 

B) Advice for a Happy Marriage

 

1. Here are some bits of advice for a happier and peaceful marriage:

 

♡ Be together when possible

♡ Take turns getting angry in an argument and never yell at the same time.

♡ Do not speak of your husband/wife’s flaws to another person  

♡ Do not point out your husband/wife’s flaws unless you have clear proof and examples

♡ End your arguments before the sun sets (Don’t go to bed angry)

♡ As long as you are married, do not doubt or be suspicious of each other

♡ Wives, do not sigh loud enough for your husband to hear

♡ Husbands, before you get angry and raise your voice take two deep breaths ♡ Think of the cross that forgave you and forgive each other

♡ Remember your creator and your children are always watching you

♡ End each day reflecting on what you did and said that day to show your husband/wife that you love them

 

 

2. All humans have a restraining freedom and that is love. one cannot deny that marriage, in some way, ties you down in certain aspects. In society you seek freedom from one thing or another, but in a marriage you give up your freedom for and to your husband or wife.

 

If you seek to hold on to all aspects of your previous freedom with no consideration of giving any of it up, then the person you live with is merely your roommate. You can’t say they are truly your spouse if you’re selfishly clinging to your own liberty.

 

Love is something that grows and strengthens over time. Overcoming arguments and disagreements helps fortify the love between a husband and wife. The love between spouses requires time and experience.

 

3. To love is to open your heart. Relationships are in danger when one or both sides fail to open themselves up to the other. You can’t live your life with another person if you keep things to yourself.

 

4. A common folly of married couples is that they expect their spouse to change for them. But the answer is not changing them, but to first change yourself. To truly make a difference you need to change your actions and attitudes first.

 

5. In a marriage communication is crucial, and this cannot be emphasized enough. The more you communicate the fewer problems you’ll see. Talk to each other about anything and everything. Even if it is silly or trivial. Talk to each other and, just as importantly, listen to each other. With sincere communication and listening, love naturally grows.

 

 

C) William Penn’s 11 Commandments of marriage

 

These are the 11 commandments for marriage of William Penn:

 

1. Do not “manage” your wife. She is not property or a possession; she is your eternal partner.

2. Do not place a “stop” sign between you. A love that does not flow will only rot.

3. Do not wait. A family is not a rest stop. To be a man is to be active. Stop waiting and take the first step.

4. Do not make your wife a grass widow (a woman whose husband is away often.) You, as her husband, are still alive.

5. Do not compare your wife to another, especially not another person’s wife.

6. Do not go home scowling. Talk to your wife as much and as often as you can.

7. Do not boast in front of your wife. She knows you better than you know yourself.

8. Do not treat your wife like a bank or ATM. A family is not a corporation.

9. Do not act like a teacher to your wife. Love is to help and support each other, not to teach or fix each other.

10. Have no secrets. To love is to know each other. Hate stems from misunderstandings, and misunderstandings stem from what one does not know. If you keep no secrets from your wife, then your love is surely great.

11. Travel and talk to each other often as a married couple. A wife should not just be your wife but also your friend. A woman who cannot be your friend will not suffice as your wife.

 

D) 40 Tips for a Happy Marriage

 

The best example you can set for your children is to let them see a mother and father who are happy and who genuinely love each other. A harmonious family is a child’s greatest desire. There are times when couples focus so much on their children they forget to pay attention to each other.

 

Here are 40 tips to help nurture a happy and healthy marriage. Try some of them out in your own life.

 

1. Equally divide household work and raising your children.

2. Spend time traveling or simply going for a walk together often.

3. Set aside time to truly talk and communicate with each other.  

4. Pay attention and check up on each other’s health and physical well-being frequently.

5. Remember what your spouse says.

6. Never compare your spouse to another person.

7. If maintaining secrecy is necessary, do so at all cost.

8. If there is something you want to say, just say it clearly and directly.

9. Acknowledge and respect each other’s personalities, character, and personal space.

10. Seek change and variation in your life.

11. Adopt one another’s hobbies and interests.

12. Always use kind, soft, and friendly language. Have inside jokes or ｅxpressions just for you two.

13. Work through your life of faith together.

14. Express your satisfaction or dissatisfaction gently but honestly.

15. Set common goals and hopes that are specific.

16. Don’t forget about birthdays and anniversaries.

17. Thank each other with clear words and actions.

18. Develop yourself and your charm.

19. Share with each other all basic information in regards to work, jobs, and family.

20. Talk to each other about everything in your life, even the little things.

21. Take part in social activities together.

22. Be attentive of each other’s wardrobe and attire.

23. Do not hide possessions from each other, be it yours or theirs.

24. Do not be obstinate about your opinions, habits, or preferences.

25. Share and develop literature, culture, and education together.

26. Respect each other at all times.

27. Surprise each other once in a while with random and unexpected gifts.

28. Make the effort to bring small new joys each day.

29. Make memories you can share such as souvenirs or photo albums.

30. Live organized and structured lives.

31. Exercise together, even if it’s light.

32. Keep your promises.

33. Raise each other up when around others.

34. Be proud of your spouse’s love for you and show it.

35. Establish clear taboos and respect them.

36. Counsel and assist with each other’s shortcomings gently.

37. Shop for and buy shared and common items like furniture, kitchenware, or clothes together.

38. Develop your friendship as lifelong partners.

39. Expect disagreements. When they inevitably come, be prepared compromise to an agreement.

40. Avoid severe nagging.

 

Only true and genuine love between spouses can ensure a family’s happiness. In today’s society, the devil finds joy in tearing apart families and churches. Do not be fooled or succumb. Divorce for any reason other than adultery is forbidden by the Lord. Live by His Word and you will be blessed.

 

1 Corinthians 13 tells us, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

 

This is the love of Christ. Apply this love to your family and your homes. Let this love overflow. Of course there will be difficulties and trials. But you cannot give up on it. As the Bible tells us, wives should serve their husbands as they would Jesus and husbands need to love their wives with all of their heart and life just as Christ loved them. This is God’s living message for us and our families.

-translated by yebin choi Ahn